… to the raw unfiltered fuckery of my human experience. Anonymity of this space allows me to reveal hideouts that I myself am afraid to see. If you do know my ‘In Real Life’ persona and I invited you here, you are acquainted with some of my demons, and I trust you not to recoil as you meet the rest of me. Enter at your own discretion.
I hope you’ll recognize some of my demons as your own. Solitary confinement of our minds dissolves, as we notice the shared humanity of our pain, desires, and fears. Dalai Lama says that we instinctively react to our own pain with fear and anger, but another’s suffering is attendant upon compassion, and we react to it with courage. I believe through that compassion to each other’s struggles we can master the courage to tend to our own wounds and afflictions.
This blog is twofold:
The ‘Excavation site’ part is a diary from a month-long ayahuasca retreat I took in January 2021. Typing up my hand-written notes from that ‘journey to the center of the earth’ and whatever thoughts and memories come up along the way. It’s my way of integrating the insights I’ve gained in Peru; processing life experiences I’ve been suppressing, so I can let go rather than forget; uncovering my true self from beneath generations’ worth of distorted negative beliefs.
‘The Pit’ has no structure or chronology. Journaling is my attempt to dig my nails in whenever I feel like I’m sliding into a hole. Sometimes I see it coming, but more often there’s no apparent reason. Picking up a pen instead of a bottle of wine or a bag of junk food helps me spot a way out of the rut. It’s uncomfortable and painful and I hope to make a habit of it. Of digging myself out.